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Epiphany and Exploration

Post #1

For some reason, I've always been prude when it comes to porn...

Don't get me wrong, I've seen it before. I grew up with boys and had more boy-friends than girl-friends throughout junior high and high school. I remember going over to my neighbor's house on several occasions and walking in on my guy friends watching porn together and teasing them for "taking notes" on what they watched.

Once I was in my first serious relationship, it was with a guy who loved to watch porn. Sometimes we watched it together, but often he watched by himself. I started feeling like I was less and less attractive, and my insecurity only made things worse. Over time, my attitude toward porn changed from seeing it as something exciting, to seeing it as something bad.

It wasn't until I got married to the man I loved so deeply that I would overcome that attitude.

Jack was on a road trip during my epiphany. He and my in-laws were called to a family reunion out of state, and I was stuck at home because of work. A week seemed like a lifetime; it was the longest we were going to be apart in the years we had been together anyway. I promised myself I would relax and enjoy the time to myself while he was gone.

On my first night alone, I sat around the living room after work looking for something to occupy my mind while I waited for the call to hear that they arrived safely. As I picked up around our bedroom, I found the little vibrator that we used when we were too tired for long, sensual lovemaking and I just needed to release a little sexual tension. Jack always used it on me, I never used it alone. I masturbated, sure, and was pleased how good I'd gotten with my own fingers over the years. College and work and trying to be a wife kept me very busy, and since there wasn't always time for great sex, sometimes when I had a few extra minutes while I was alone, I would strip off my clothes and play with myself, always reveling in the fact that I felt less stressed after cumming.

Jack was wonderful in bed. When we had time he could make my body feel things that no other man could ever do. We weren't great at the quickies though. I loved it, of course, but usually didn't have the time or energy to work for an orgasm. My best friend, a self-proclaimed sex therapist always told me, "Kara, you have to take the time for the sex in your life or you'll explode!' I tried to listen, but stress and fatigue usually dominated my life.

Enter: "Kara's Special Friend." Jack had bought it for me several months back for the times when I had trouble clearing my head for an orgasm. Sometimes I felt "broken" because I couldn't get my head in the right place. Still, he knew how to put the little vibrator to good use, and seemed to like making me feel good.

Sometimes I felt that he wasn't getting what he needed. I wondered if he was acting like he wasn't upset about our erratic sex life, but actually felt like he wasn't getting what he needed. I suspected in the past that he was looking at porn to get off, and it bothered me for reasons I never understood. I even tried watching some myself to see what the big deal was, and couldn't imagine it being a substitute for the real thing. Still, I wanted to be the one to make my man feel good whenever he needed to. I always planned on being the submissive wife who would please the man she loved and be at his sexual beck and call. We just weren't good at making the time for it, I guess.

With a smile and a patient laugh, Jack would say that he had everything isveçbahis he needed. "I don't really dig porn, Kara. I like the real thing. You're my girl and I can wait til we have time together."

Being a typical girl, I didn't believe it. But, there was light at the end of the tunnel. School and work seemed to be calming down a little bit, and I decided to make things change in our sex life. I just needed some ideas on how to do that.

I had read that the best way to find out what you like and what you need from your partner is to explore your body. I had done that before, but wondered if I could do something different. Now, glancing at the little blue sex toy on Jack's nightstand, I sat down on the bed and started to think. "Will that thing be as much fun if I use it on myself?" There was only one way to find out.

I picked up the toy and explored it a little with my fingertips. The little pointed end was covered in little nubs. I turned it on, and giggled at how powerful it was for such a small, discreet piece of plastic and rubber. Jack had just replaced the batteries too. I laid back on the bed, placing the little thing at my side and tried to relax. I had on some yoga pants and a tank top for just lounging around the house. I pulled the tank top up to where it was barely covering my nipples. I caressed the skin on my stomach and the bottom half of my breasts. I thought about how Jack said they were his favorite part of me, and how perfect they were. I slid my hands down my belly and hooked my thumbs under the waistband of my pants and the top of my thong, and worked them down over my hips. I wiggled against the sheets to get all the way out, and pulled my tank top over my head. I rolled over onto my side and reached for the vibrator.

My nipples were very hard at that point. I licked my finger and rubbed them a little bit. I thought of Jack's tongue and teeth playing with them instead. I turned onto my back once again and twisted the bottom of my "special friend" to turn it on and really get things started.

But, it didn't work.

I sat up and shook it and tapped it against the nightstand a few times. Nothing.

"Well," I thought. "Maybe later." I was disappointed, but didn't bother finishing up with my fingers like I was used to. Maybe I would find another way. I wandered through the house and into the kitchen for a drink, not bothering to put my clothes back on. An unopened bottle of pinot grigio had been calling my name since the semester had started, but I hadn't found the time to drink it. I poured a glass and checked the phone, but no call from Jack, so I wandered to the couch where my laptop was sitting, and stretched out on my stomach to check my email.

I felt very free, relaxing naked by myself in my living room. The microfiber material of the couch felt nice against my bare skin, and I wiggled against it to get more comfortable. Before I had gone back to school, Jack bent me over that couch to fuck me on many occasions, and it always felt so hot and naughty. It's not like we were doing it in public or something really daring, but since it wasn't our bedroom, it was just unconventional enough to be exciting for us.

After going through the very uneventful junk email, I started going through my favorites to clean them out. (I home alone, naked, with a bottle of wine to myself and I was clearing out my bookmark folder on the computer.) I found bookmarks from back when I had been shopping around for wedding and honeymoon stuff, and laughed isveçbahis giriş when I saw what was bookmarked. I never bought most of it since I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the airport security people on the way to my honeymoon if they decided to search our bags or something. I clicked on the link for the website of the local sex shop. Why not replace the damn vibrator that broke tonight? As I browsed the pages a banner popped up for on-demand adult movies. I ignored it at first, then stopped and stared at it. What if there was something about porn that I was missing? I decided to be daring and see how it worked. There were more categories of porn on that site than I ever knew existed, and some that kind of sounded, well, interesting. I searched through the instructional ones, noting one on oral sex that I thought might be fun to see if I could surprise Jack when he got back from the trip. He liked when I went down on him, but I wondered sometimes if I could do it better. Maybe not all porn is useless and stupid, I thought.

Further down below the oral sex title was one about masturbating with sex toys. This piqued my interest. Not that I have one to use at the moment. I eyed my purse that was conveniently sitting on the coffee table and dragged it over to dig my credit card out. What the hell? Maybe I'll learn something.

In a few minutes I was sitting upright on the couch, the laptop set on the table with the movie starting to play. I finished off my second glass of wine and sat intently waiting to be amazed. A very attractive woman came on the screen, with some cheesy music playing in the background. She smiled and said, "Sometimes, ladies, it's good to just be alone and make yourself feel sexy. A glass of wine and some candles make for a wonderful evening at home alone...and of course, it can be even more fun if you have a little something extra to play with." She winked and lifted up a dildo in one hand, and a little vibrator in the other. The camera zoomed out to reveal her bare shoulders followed by bare breast and the most cleanly shaved pussy I had ever seen. I think my mouth dropped open and I stared at it, wondering if mine looked that pretty after I shaved.

The woman lay on her side and began talking about how to feel good and relaxed. "Touch your body in the most sensitive places. If you like, imagine your partner is doing it to you. Your fun time can be anything you want it to be." She explained the different kinds of toys that one could introduce into her masturbating repertoire and slid her hands all over her body. I lay on my side on the couch and began to do the same. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate and really feel my fingertips on my body. I was running them lightly over my nipples, which were getting harder and harder at that point. So much for just watching it to learn.

"Cucumbers, too..." I opened my eyes and looked at the laptop screen. Cucumbers? "That's right," she said. "Cucumbers can be very good toys if you find yourself without one."

I sat up and paused the video stream. I actually happened to have cucumbers in the fridge. Kara, you're not seriously going to stick a vegetable in your pussy now just because an adult film starlet says to? Yes, yes I was. I got up and marched to the fridge to get it, returned to the couch, pushed play, and sat back. I warmed the phallic cold vegetable between my thighs while I waited for further instruction, defying the part of me that thought I was crazy.

As the video went on the woman isveçbahis yeni giriş on the screen began talking about getting yourself ready by playing with your pussy. I spread my legs and ran my fingers through my neatly trimmed patch of pubic hair, just as she did. She licked her middle and index fingers, and I did too. She cocked her head to the side, then I did, and she began to run her moist fingers up and down her slit, and I did that too. I was mesmerized by this woman who was so comfortable touching herself, enjoying herself, for the world to see.

She picked up the dildo and ran it up and down her slit, tilting her head back and starting to moan lightly. I looked at my cucumber for a moment, wondering if I would just feel silly playing with it. It wasn't even the biggest cucumber I'd ever seen anyway. But when I saw her rubbing the fake cock over and over her pussy, I began to copy her. Before I knew it I, my pretend dildo was covered in my juices, and I too was leaning back and starting to moan. The woman in the video had the dildo poised with the head about to enter her pink wet pussy. I took the smaller end of the cucumber and started to push it into my pussy, little by little, and I slid down the cushions of the couch so I was on my back, legs spread wide, hands gripping the pretend dildo, and ready to play. I don't even remember much of the rest of the video, except that I was moaning along with the woman as I worked deeper and deeper into my pussy, feeling it stretch wider and wider and swallowing the cucumber whole. I pushed in and pulled out and pushed until I couldn't get it any deeper. I took my hands away and let my pussy grip it and hold it in, and reveled in the full feeling in my pussy.

My fingers began working at my clit, and my breathing began to quicken. I rubbed and rubbed the little nub, glancing at the computer where the woman had turned around, kneeling and bent over on the ground and she pumped the dildo in and out of her pussy. I positioned myself on the couch to mimic her, but dangled one leg over the arm of the couch, cucumber resting on it so I could slide up and down like I was riding a cock. I grabbed at my nipple with my left hand as I rubbed my swollen and expectant clit with my right, and moaned along with the video. I thrust down onto my "toy" as far as I could go, leaned back a little and continued to rub my clit in circles. The wave of an orgasm began to creep over me, and I wiggled around again on my veggie dildo, gripping onto it and shaking as I came. I didn't hold back my moaning, not caring that our neighbors could probably hear me. I shuddered with pleasure, collapsing on the couch and closing my eyes.

I didn't even bother to take my "toy" out of my pussy; in fact, I rolled on to my side, putting my knees together and holding it in. The video had stopped and the screen saver came on. I smiled with pleasure, thinking that perhaps I would make a trip to the sex shop in town to replace the old toy with a new one for when Jack came home. Perhaps I would look into that oral sex video on the website. I might even try another of the non-instructional videos with my new toy...Maybe this "porn thing" wasn't as bad as I thought...

I remained on the couch for a little longer, pretend dildo still in my pussy, until my cell phone rang. I lazily answered it.

"Hi honey," Jack said. "We just stopped for the night at some hotel in the middle of nowhere. I miss you. What have you been up to?"

"Oh, not much. Did some stuff around the house." I yawned and rolled over on my belly, feeling the cucumber get pushed more deeply inside me again. "I'll show you everything I did when you come home next week."

Until then, I'm going to have some more fun on my own...
07-05-2022, at 10:59 AM

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